Have you ever been disappointed, frustrated, angry or sad? What if I told you, you could make your life easier, happier and more peaceful than it’s ever been? How? You might wonder. Well, and this may sound like an odd thing to ask, but has there ever been a time in your life when you haven’t got what you wanted, when your dreams didn’t come true? That’s right, when you really wanted something and you didn’t get it? Doesn’t sound like the recipe for happiness, but wait…read on…
The Blessing of Things Not Working Out
Was there a time when you didn’t get the job or college place you coveted, or when you were madly in love with someone and they didn’t fancy you, or you were dumped. At the time it was devastating, you might even have felt your world was imploding….and yet, later, much later you see how different your life would have been if those dreams had come true.
If you’d stayed with Mr Wrong you might not have met Mr Right a little further down the line, or if you’d got the job in far off town, you wouldn’t have been around for your mum, or sister, or brother or friend, or whoever needed you. That was me – I wouldn’t be with my life partner for these last seventeen or so years, if any of my earlier relationships had worked out.
If I got that job in Canada, I wouldn’t have been close enough to spend the last few precious years with my mum before she died. I have absolutely no doubt these things were right for me, but I didn’t choose them. My choices at the time would have taken me in a very different direction. So I’m glad now, all my dreams didn’t come true. What about you, can you think of a time when you didn’t get what you wanted but later on you got something better, or it simply kept you in the right place to do the right thing?
A Higher Power Guiding Our Lives
So, what am I telling you to do? Just let go and be swept along by a current of random events? Not exactly, I am asking you to notice there is something bigger than us, a greater intelligence that knows much more than we do. It is this intelligence that adjusts, corrects and recalibrates our trajectory when we veer off our life’s higher spiritual course – our purpose, our reason for being here. All sorts of obstacles are thrown in our way, we get stuck in traffic, trains are cancelled and we miss interviews and appointments, we lose our job, we can’t find a job and we can’t pay the rent or mortgage, people close to us leave, or they become ill or we do.
But these things aren’t thrown in our way to frustrate us, but to show us we are going off course, and to help us take remedial action. They are actually blessings mistaken for hindrances. So the best thing we can do when we come up against an impediment, whether it’s a person, an organisation, or a random event, is to just stop and let go of all doing. There is a reason why the thing you want is not happening.
Making Friends with Our Fear
The first thing we need to do, is understand the truth of the situation. Often we project our beliefs, hurts and fears from the past on to the current situation. We are so caught up in the whirlwind of our emotions that we cannot see the reality of the situation, much less a solution. It is like we are looking through very dark tinted lenses, only seeing vague moving shadows – scaring the be-Jesus out of us. So, we need to stop, and just for the present moment, allow all our feelings of frustration, anger and fear, and hurt and disappointment to be there. In other terns, we let ourselves feel their sensations in our bodies. They are here for a very good reason.
Our emotions tell us what we believe is true about the world and the situation we’re in, although we’re often not fully conscious of this belief. When we feel fear it often indicates we see the world as a dangerous place, where we are separate and alone. Our body then does what it is designed to do – it responds in an instant to what we believe about the situation. The body is preparing itself for imminent danger, so adrenalin rushes through the system and the muscles tighten – it is now on high alert. So, many of us will feel a knot in the stomach, tightening of the chest and sweaty palms, or perhaps a tension headache, taut neck and rigid shoulders.
The body is simply responding to our scary thoughts and is getting ready to get out of danger, by running away, fighting or freezing. The point is, what the body is doing in these situations is perfectly normal. It is supposed to react to danger in this way, whether the threat is real or imagined. So, and this is vital, we don’t need to be scared of the sensations in our body. We can just let them be there in the moment, without judging them as wrong or abnormal, and it is this, which opens a little space for us.
Seeing Things Clearly
It is in this space, we can ask possibly the most important question we’ll ever ask the divine, the universe or God. ‘What is the truth of this situation?’. Then wait.
I guarantee you, if not in that moment, then soon, you will understand far better the truth of your situation, This understanding, in some ways, will be a relief, you may even feel yourself physically relax. Now you are in a position to respond in a far better way. You will know what you can do and what is out of your control. You’ll also realise that you and your circumstances will transform in time.
Furthermore, if you have strong feelings of anger, fear or sadness, out of all proportion to the situation, it is also telling you that you have an unmet need. When we were children or young adults, there were some events and circumstances in our lives that we found extremely difficult, confusing and even terrifying. At these times we needed sympathy, understanding and support, or perhaps guidance, a cuddle and reassurance. Yet these were not forthcoming. Or maybe we lacked material comfort and necessities, such as a pair of shoes, a hot meal and warm duvet. This is not so much about blaming anyone for these omissions, but more to recognise there is a part of us that is still hurting, and will re-surface each time something in our present circumstances reminds it of the unmet need and the wounding in the past.
So, now as an adult, you can recognise and understand that this is a legitimate need, and be tender and compassionate to the part of you that is suffering. Emotions like anger, frustration and sadness and disappointment, are really our friends and allies. They show us where our hurt lies and teach us compassion for others, as we know what it’s like to suffer ourselves. Simply by recognising and attending to our unmet needs, the wounded part of us begins to heal. It is like we shed weight from our shoulders, and our bodies feel lighter and our hearts more open.
Trust in a Higher Power
So, the second thing you can do is take those small or even large steps, one at a time, as you respond to each event as it passes through. But the most important, and perhaps the hardest thing to do…is trust your path is being recalibrated by a power much greater than you. Keep asking to see the truth, and when you feel it, take the next step. Something profound awaits, something so right for you and your spiritual growth that you needed divine intervention to get you back on your soul’s plan.
So when things go wrong, and you don’t get what you want, and you feel disillusioned and disappointed, remember the divine is with you, and it has just intervened in your life to help you. It knows far better than you what your soul really needs and it is correcting your life so that you get there. When you’re dreams don’t come true, something even more precious will be found, learned or released and let go.
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